The Empty Seat

As I prayed over our beloved church. I star to remember where people used to sit. Once we get familiar we tent to claim a sit as our own. I myself I try not to sit in the same place, I tent to change it up, since it gives me a better chance to meet new people. Or get lost within, going unnoticed. But this morning as I ponder about the missing brothers and sisters. My hearts aches for the freinds and family that are gone. Would I see them again? As I pour out myself to the Lord. Writing how I feel. Alone and lonely. Many feelings running through me. I stared to think off few months ago as I am greeting people as the walk in. My eyes capture this mother battling health issues. Trying to walk through with her walker on hand. Her little daughter walking right beside her. This isolation has taken a toll in this little girl. Hair unkept, dirty long sweater. She is waking right between us and yet no one sees her. I try to talk to her, lower myself to her level looking directly at her eyes. She hides from me. And I said , why are you hiding from me sweetheart. No response. We need to keep the line going I was told. Did anybody sees her? As I remember that situation I started to pour out myself to the Lord. No words because I don’t know what to said. I sat in silence. Then I heard this within my souls. “How do you feels seeing all those empty seat, where faithful servants once’s sat?” Today I am looking for the familiar faces, those that help me through when everyone else left me alone. I don’t see them. Where are they? Are they coming back? How are they doing ? Did some one reach out to them? So as I walked into church this morning, with anticipation to see what the Lord has for me. I am walking with expectancy in my heart. Only in His presence I am able to see clear. Hear clear and understand what is taking place. My hear is heavy. I don’t want to think. All I want is to get lost within His presence. I want to run to the altar and lay at His feet. But I can’t. I don’t even know if it would be allowed. So there next to rows off empty chairs behind me I knell and allow myself to be touch in my most delicate areas. I am mourning I and lamenting. I am broken. How does it feel? I don’t have words to express them. The Lord said to learn the language of my heart ❤️. So here I sit. Away from every one. Listening to worship knowing that I had to press thru. The Lord has not release me yet. As I sit in service I noticed a little girl, enjoying the worship, eyes closed hands raised up. She can’t be more than 3 years old and here she stand. A road of chairs between us. Sumerge in his presence. I hear the words in my heart “come to me with the child like faith“. Deep deep inside my soul the Lord allows me to see my wrong motives, wrong expectation not wiling to received. A lot of my familiar faces are gone. Someone else sitting in their chairs. Are they been missing? Did someone reach out to them? Where are they? Would I see them again? Those are the questions I ask myself and I asked God. I may never get an answer. All I know it’s that today as I sit in the back of the church, waiting and watching. I have not been released yet. Like it or not I need to stay here. Lord I repent for my unwillingness to let go, trying to change things and allowing my EGO to take over. Forgive me Lord. Received me once again and allow me to see what you want me to see. Guard my heart. Channel my emotions and lead me. In Jesus name. Amen Ivette Diaz-Yee S♥BG February 21